Skip navigation little backstory
I was totally working for myself as an artist and you know what? It was HARD! Harder than hard and harder than any job ever. But it was the most rewarding experience and I learned so much about so many things and I want to share that knowledge with you guys... My VIP art club.
I didn't get a fair shake from the very beginning of my art career. I suffered a back injury at my "muggle" job which required a lot of physical therapy to get over and which I will have with me forever now. It was actually the impetus for me to quit my job and start being an artist! So I turned my bad luck into fuel for my fire. I saved 5k (painstakingly while enduring all the BS at a terrible job) and then I made the leap. I was so excited and optimistic about working for myself! I had sold little pieces here and there and was sure it was only upwards from there.
2 weeks into my freedom- my Dad died unexpectedly. What came next was indescribable DEPRESSION and a feeling of being lost. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, my brain and heart were scrambled and no art or business were on my brain for a long time. When healing began happening for me I realized my art was not the same... It was very different. It may sound strange but my art was coming through me and being transmitted to canvas and it looked like nothing I had ever done before. Trauma and death had changed me- for the better. I felt really alive and really aware for once in my life.
Fully in the swing of things I began getting commissions and opportunities left and right and I was also selling my work for practically nothing. I was trying to survive as an artist without any business sense and barely time to learn and research. Paint it sell it pay the bills, it became a stressful cycle. Raise my prices a little and people stopped buying. Lowered them again and became overwhelmed with orders but still struggled. Add into this the next gift I received... Endometriosis.
If you don't know what endometriosis is I'll cliff notes you real quick- it's an incurable disease where your lining of your uterus starts growing where it shouldn't- outside your uterus. It can start spiderwebbing through your body and binding organs together and creating havoc, heavy bleeding, so many problems... But the best part? The pain. The pain is worse than labor pains and in my instance felt like I was being murdered for days with a serrated rusty knife. Right in the gut. Right in my ovaries. The pain was so major I would throw up every ten minutes for DAYS. I would tough this out at home and by the third day I would head to the ER to get an IV so I didn't die of dehydration. This happened every two weeks for years and nothing could help me. For years the doctors couldn't even tell me what was wrong. Morphine drip didn't touch the pain and I took to laying in hot baths for hours to just feel a little relief. Rock bottom. One of the drugs my doctor had me on was a chemo drug which caused depression, rage and achy bones. I wanted to die. I couldn't hold down a job even if I had one and people still expected their commissions to get finished.
When I wasn't bedridden or at the hospital I was in the studio furiously painting. Getting everyone's commissions done and trying to paint something for myself... Isn't that why I quit my job in the first place? To make ART? I was in my 20s and 30s when all this was happening... The prime of my life! Everyone else was working good jobs, saving for retirement, fattening up 401ks, taking vacations and buying houses. I was fighting to survive, trying to figure out what was killing me and painting things and selling them for barely anything to just make rent. And taking everyone's shipments to the post office on my bike because I had no car. Not what I had planned for my beautiful art career. I missed so many opportunities and got behind the 8 ball. But still I powered on.
Fast forward to new medications that finally got my endometriosis in check so I can work, paint, be productive and have a normal life. I finally feel back in my zone and ready to produce all the beautiful paintings I was meant to paint. I'm working part time to just catch up on how expensive life has gotten but I truly want to give my art career a proper shake this time. It didn't get one out of the gate. Through all this I've had the best supporters, cheerleaders, art patrons, collectors and friends. I truly could not have made it this far without you all.
My journey gave me the gift of empathy, healing and a purpose that my struggle was not in vain. Art is necessary to the soul and it was all I had in the darkest of times. My art is the art of Nature and healing the spirit, bringing light into the dark. An important message that should reach those that need it.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk and learning about my journey...
Comments
Post a Comment