Your Dreams Are Glossy, Printed and Very Real

The latest issue of PATRON ART MAGAZINE

I have to take a little moment to remember something, my past. And this ad in the Patron Art Magazine has a lot to do with this memory and why it's important to me right now. Rewind about 4 or 5 years ago when I was working in a dim basement putting price tags on books and museum knick knacks and hauling ginormous carts of boxes and merchandise around for a living. That was my world, my reality.....and I was usually way too drained after work to even think about painting. Nevertheless I worked in a museum and I was around art constantly. My heart hurt. My soul hurt. I physically ached and mourned a loss of SOMETHING in my life. I had a large hole in my being and I wasn't sure how to fix it.

On my lunchbreaks I would escape the basement and sit in the sunshine outside, I would read books about how to quit your job and pursue your dreams. I would look at art magazines and books and try to cultivate inspiration. I would look longingly at art magazines and read about artists who were having shows and wanted that. I wanted THAT. I wanted to paint, work at art and have shows. I wanted to be that artist in the magazine having a show. So I am a little excited to open a magazine I used to look at longingly and see....wow, that's me and I'm about to have a show!

You have to want it with everything in you, you have to fight for it tooth and nail, you have to fight yourself and fight physical ailment and weakness that tries to exhaust you, you have to hear NO a million times, you have to read rejection letters saying you don't fit in their little paint by number kit, you have to be ALONE a lot of the time, you have to go into the dark places of your mind, you have to get your electricity cut off, cars taken away, see people having fabulous meals on Instagram while you eat rice that might've had a bollweevil in it, you have to wonder where the next dollar is going to come from, you have to visit the Coin Star a couple times, amass a ridiculous amount of hospital bills and fight physical pain and STILL not throw in the towel and put on the heels and go to some corporate office and beg for a job. You have to want it so much you stop caring about physical comfort. It's madness I admit but it's a dream come true doing what you love every day.