Finding your purpose
When anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I always had a different answer. Geologist. Anthropologist. Fashion Designer. One of the people I saw on PBS who would follow the animals and talk about them on Nova. Artist. It was apparent I had many interests. Interested in Nature and the planet, interested in Design and Arts. But I always found myself sketching and doodling at the dining room table in my spare time. I would rush through class assignments at school so I could have a few minutes to draw on the borders of my paper while everyone else was working. Kids asked me to draw them pictures. Boys wanted me to draw girls in bikinis for them. At a young age there was already something inside of me that compelled me to make marks on paper and retreat into my own little world where I was the maker and producer of little creations.
My older sister went to Arts Magnet and I wanted to be like older sister. There was no other thing in my head while I was in 6th grade than getting to Arts Magnet. In order to do that I would need to get into the "Academy" at the middle school I would be attending. To do that I needed some artwork. I started drawing and the drawings were horrible and not very good. Mishapen fat horses with silly faces. Drawings of fruit in bowls that I imagined and never looked at. I had no idea what I was doing I just knew that I wanted to do it. It felt right. It felt like my purpose.
Fast forward to the future and I've had lots of training in various art classes through the years. Many years of Design, Painting, Drawing. The fundamentals. When it came time for college I didn't snap up a big student loan and head off to a fancy college. Although I had been accepted into the college of my choice SFAI (just like big sister) I ended up staying in Texas and doing community college. I didn't want to be an art teacher and that's all I could see needing a degree for. A little piece of paper saying you were officially an artist didn't make sense to me when you could paint an awesome painting and be called the same. I took a part time job at the college in the Fine Arts dept working in the gallery, setting up the shows, helping kids who needed to use the studios and filing slides. I then took another job as a guard at the Dallas Museum of Art. I needed to be around art. I was fully immersed in it 24/7. Literally as I now had NO days off. I thought being around the art and artists was great but now I had no time to create anything myself. But this is just a VERY long story about something very important. Your purpose on the planet.
I knew at a young age there was something inside me that had to create artistically. It followed me through the years, clawing at me, guiding me here and there. When I was an adult and working at dead end jobs that left me so physically and mentally drained that I had ceased working on art for years at a time I found myself very unhappy. Although I was working at an art museum it no longer felt like an art museum to me. The politics of the workplace and the toxic people around me clouded the beauty and inspiration. I might as well have been working at a gas station for all it inspired in me. Which brings me to my next point- there's a little voice inside you trying to guide you on your path. That voice is your Purpose and you need to listen to it. It may be that your little hobby, that thing that gets you really excited and where you feel comfortable and at home- is where you need to put your attention. That might not be art. That might be cooking, sewing, animals,doing nails, cutting hair, gardening or whatever it is that you excel at. It could be that you are fine to put in the hours at a drudgery of a job as long as you are able to do your little hobby on the side. That is called achieving balance. And I applaud anyone who can do that! It could be that you have tried to fit your passion in AND work the 9-5 soul sucking job and found yourself miserable and distressed because your passion is suffering... and that is the category I fall into. I knew that I wasn't helping anyone in my line of work. I was hidden away in a basement sticking price tags on jewelry, home decor and art prints. I was watching other local artists sell their wares through the museum store I worked for and envied them. I was simply a robot and every day was the same. Clock in. Deal with passive aggressive people all day. Shove lunch in my face in the meager 30 minutes I was allotted and clock out. Tired and drained- it was dinner and bed when i got home. I had no desire to paint. Sound familiar?
So now that you are thinking about your budget for living and your goal number you need to hit...the really big question is what is your purpose on the planet? Because I wasn't showing the Universe I was an artist I wasn't being exposed to the opportunities I was seeking. The Universe thought I was a pricing robot in a basement and kept passing me by. You have a title and you need to put that little name badge on right now and assume that role.
Even if you don't know what the hell you are doing right now, you DO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. So think about your purpose and wearing it proudly for all the world to see. Finally assuming the role of what you really are is going to start unlocking all the locked doors for you. Until the next post- have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend!
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