Good Grief

I wonder where the term "good grief" comes from? I remember first hearing it on Charlie Brown...something my Mom would say. I never really thought about it until now I guess, good grief. What is GOOD about grief?

I went to the service for my friend yesterday and felt a little bit of what this "good grief" is. Let me explain. Grieving for the loss of someone you love is so very complex and everyone does it in their own ways. In a lot of ways it feels like a little bit of yourself has died along with that person. You and that person shared experiences that only you two were privvy to- that person took that little piece of history with them when they left...it feels like. Of course you have the memories but now it is you alone with those memories so when you grieve- you are also grieving for yourself.

I try very hard to remember when I'm in this position that I should not fall into SELF PITY. POOR ME! LOOK HOW SAD I AM! I try to remember the death was collectively shared not only by all who knew the person but by the whole world who has to experience death on several occasions throughout life and ultimately our very own one day. All of us. Every one.

 It is healthy to remember this is a shared experience and in such the grief you are feeling will make you feel very much alive and connected to others. You will feel kindred with those hurting also and not like you alone are the saddest and entitled to be sad. I found an interesting essay on the subject here:

A Buddhists Perspective On Grieving

The service for my friend was a nice way to feel connected once again to my friend who shared little pieces of his life with everyone in the room. It made me  realize we are all collectively going to miss our friend and the future adventures we could have had with him but that ultimately the connection with him and each other was still very much alive. The grief, emotion and compassion is proof of a connectedness unbroken. A feeling of good grief washed over me to know my friend just connected me to a whole group of new people who although I didn't know them were experiencing this right along with me.