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Its not you- it's me

Last year my mind was a wholly different place. It still wanted to please everyone at my detriment. It still wanted to put everyone first and it still felt the need to koutou to not hurt others perceived feelings.

 ("Kowtow" originated as a noun referring to the act of kneeling and touching one's head to the ground as a salute or act of worship to a revered authority. ... The word "kowtow" derives from Chinese "koutou," formed by combining the verb "kou" ("to knock") with the noun "tou" ("head").)

 This year I made the active choice that wasn't going to be me anymore. Because I resented the way it made me feel. Because I am worth more than the way I was being treated and because I realized I AM IN CONTROL OF MY SHIP. I AM IN CONTROL OF MY FEELINGS.
I control what I let "set me off" and I can decide that it's just not going to set me off.
A particular event was the catalyst- someone who I thought valued me- showed me that they did not. It was a stressful and ugly feeling and it affected my work and peace of mind. To rephrase that I LET IT AFFECT ME. I felt like I jumped through hoops to please them, always put them first, dropped everything to do what they needed no matter what. I would be up in the middle of the night working on whatever they needed from me only to have my expedience all for naught. Maybe they would get back to me on it in a week...maybe they wouldn't get back to me at all. Definitely not a thank you for it. But they made it sound like hot priority ASAP so they could watch me jump.
That all stopped once I realized this person didn't care about me as a person and in fact just viewed me as cheap labor.
Things I changed: 
*instead of answering emails and texts instantly I answered them during work hours. Work hours were now listed on ALL emails with this person. No more ruining my personal time with emergencies that were not emergencies and no more stressing me out while Im taking care of my life.
* The price has gone UP ...to normal rates. I was giving this person a deal too good to be true on my services and LOTS OF WORK FOR FREE. Yep- I stupidly did that trying to stay in good graces. That is no more. Its ALL BUSINESS now and everything is written out carefully so Im not screwing myself anymore. 
* I stopped stressing about this person. This was a game changer. You just stop giving them power. They have no more power to affect your life like that. If they want to work with me-then cool. If they don't- then cool too. They are not the end all be all...not the only person in the world to work with. Once I stopped giving them power my HAPPINESS LEVEL WENT ON THE RISE. 
I reframed them and the situation. They were no longer the "bad guy" they were just another person, another job. That power was stripped from them. They were reduced to "basic bitch" 😂
I started applying this to anyone I was at odds with or "negative people". Bloop- you get no power. Bloop- not dwelling on you or your "event" anymore.
Maybe it requires unfollowing or unfriending on social media or maybe it just means to turn your mindset to "working with it on your terms". Dealing with them on your terms teaches you how to make others treat you- its a valuable lesson. 
Most of the stresses and bad vibes we magnify in our heads a hundredfold. Our perceived "enemy" is not even thinking of us they are out enjoying their life. So don't let them ruin yours. Don't ruin your own day by giving your energy away.
This is YOUR SHIP.
STEER IT in the direction that pleases you. 

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