Yesterday I made great strides in overcoming my depression. It's not a shameful or weak thing to be depressed. In fact I think it's as normal as waking up every day. We all, at some point or another, feel this way.
My depression will make me think things like
*you chose the wrong path, now get into an office somewhere and quit playing with paint
*you are not where you are supposed to be
*nobody cares so why should you?
*you're obviously just not good enough
I know that the depression is lying to me and I know I need to kick those thoughts to the curb....but it is a BIG ADVERSARY and its hard.
My new routine and some pep talks have me trying to get back in the game.
I also sold three little mini paintings yesterday- proving to Depression that my work IS TOO wanted... and the office job will have to wait.
I finally started BREAD yesterday....let me shed light on this jump in the blog. My sister left sourdough starter here (that needs to be fed and maintained in order to make bread) and after bungling the formula for many days I finally got it kickstarted. I was still suspicious it was not ready, wouldn't rise when I tried to use it,etc. (DEPRESSION even tells me my bread will suck) But yesterday I kneaded up the dough and put it to rest in its bowl and was pleasantly surprised to see IT ROSE! It GREW! A big fat sprouting dough that will make sourdough baguettes. Hopefully they will be tasty and edible...I think I'm more excited by the fact that this science project actually did what it was supposed to. So a big win-to me anyway.
Today I'll make the loaves and keep feeding the starter. Making your own bread definitely makes you feel like you can sustain yourself after all.
Today is PANDA-MONIUM, panda commission in the works! Instead of focusing on not having rent money Im doing everything to make rent money. It's all you can do. Be proactive.
Bread and pandas and paint, life could be worse right?
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