Art Plunge

  A whole year free of the horrors of endometriosis?! What an amazing year it was! Like winning the lotto!  I was able to hold down a job and get stuff done. Enjoy normal day to day activities like living and holding down my food. Just being able to exist without feeling like I was being bludgeoned to death with a cruel instrument.... It was sheer delight. I lived it up. I moved my body, worked hard, skateboarded, went kayaking, hiking and loved hard. Every beautiful shiny day pain free was shimmering  baby unicorn magic stuff!  But it all came crashing down as the grim harbinger of death pain came back from wherever it was vacationing. Knock knock knock upon my uterus, ovaries, digestive tract. Go away. Knock, knock, stab. Stab, stab, stab... After suffering about 2 decades with this thing I realized what I was in for. Days of excruciating pain where the very nerve endings in your internal organs feel like they are being put through their own personal murder. Murder...

  I've given myself a couple new mantras since I returned from vacation.  One is: Pizza vs Plane tickets Which essentially means.... Yeah you could order pizza (or any food, or go out to eat) or you could save yourself that money and put it towards a plane ticket/vacation. You saved yourself carbs, calories and usually $20 and upwards. The other mantra is : Don't lose the gains Did I not conquer 12 miles in one day? Did I not turn myself into a walking machine? Was I not killing those hills left and right? Don't lose the gains. Keep the momentum going. Put in the work. You achieved new levels now keep them! And last but not least: Don't lose the vibe! It's as easy as it sounds- you came back recharged, excited about life and creative projects again, you finally got a reward for all your hard work... Don't lose that feeling. Stay with it and make it happen again. Crush your goals and live your best life. Don't lose the vibe you are riding, don't let the w...

 For Paul, my poet friend... Pitcher of Sorrow  As I grow older I've found myself  Filling up a pitcher of Sorrow My tears don't come instantly like they used to. They wait for the right Tomorrow. A few will pass...  and the pitcher grows full With each one, another ounce closer to the brim Overflowing and ready to pour  Will it be her or that or him? I let the pitcher of Sorrow flow steady  Ready to pour When it is ready. An even stream of all it has collected,  fermented A good tearful salty pitcher  not for drinking... A cheers to a life cemented.  You were the one who reached the brim, I pour the pitcher of Sorrow now for the ones collected within You set them all free. A steady, liquid pour  The pitcher couldn't hold any more.

  Work=Pay  The pandemic has given me many gifts. Aside from a heightened sense of my health and time ... It's given me a "F a bunch of that noise" attitude. Believe me, it's a good thing. Any artist knows we get looked at like low man on the totem pole A LOT. Least paid, expected to work for free and a whole lot of other noise. While "designers" are living the high life in their paid for homes- us artists who did the labor to actually MAKE THE ART HAPPEN are struggling to pay rent and bills. My dance with Covid gave me serious NOT HAPPENING vibes when I feel that is trying to creep into my life. I have set my worth and my limbo stick and "how low can you go"- it's not that low any more. Hope everyone is having an empowered time and using these life lessons well.  Let's start appreciating the ones who walk the walk not just talk the talk.  💪

I like to blog ever so often to just document where my brain is at -at certain times in my life. We are in the thick of July and yesterday I did something I've been needing to do for a long time. Years, even. I booked tickets to get the hell out of here for almost two weeks. I'm going to the Bay where I usually go and always love to go. I'm super excited to see my sister and friends there. And I love having something on the calendar to look forward to. A friend mentioned "but yer job!" ... And it reminded me of an old mindset I used to carry. Being worried and stressed out about asking for time off from jobs who delighted in saying no and making your life hell for even asking (even if you had vacation time/pay). Feeling guilty about this or that in relation to your vacation, etc. THATS NOT ME ANYMORE and I had to retrain my brain to accept this new fact- IM THE BOSS OF ME and I don't apologize for living my life and making healthy decisions for myself. I'm...

  Current state of my life: quietly growing Haven't blogged in forever. Just busy living life and catching up on work, growing a garden and getting back into the swing of things. Finally did a DJ set and saw friends in real life. It's Summer now and work is steady. I do not miss a lot of stressful stuff that was going on pre-pandemic and am glad to be free from a lot of that. As weird as it sounds- pandemic helped me kick a lot of stupid out of my life  One thing that's changed is I'm taking my business more seriously and will be more focused on growing some things. I'll keep you in the loop when I launch it. 🌞  I feel very comfortable protecting my time and saying no to things and also to just not caring when I feel someone trying to push my buttons. The puppet strings are officially gone. Can't yank em anymore. I feel so liberated these days!  Happy with me right now and working on myself. Hope you guys are having a wonderful summer! 😘

  Facebook took notes away quite awhile back. No biggie but it's where I used to explain things... Like my current situation of being so damn busy it's making me anxious. Or how I've had to postpone two art show on the calendar because I just don't have my world together yet.  Busy is good. Making rent and bills is good. Now to find time to paint, still continue bass guitar, still stay in touch with family and friends and not be a flake to the people who care about me. Not be a flake to myself, foremost. I'll most likely be picking up more work in the not too distant. I'm in "stack the cash mode" and also plan for a vacation mode. I'm at least giving myself a little break at some point this summer. Got a decor mural booked on Monday and some freelance work floating around that needs to be tended to. I've slacked on my business and website. I haven't pimped out my wares in months. I stopped caring about chasing the business. I'm feeling ...