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Tortured tales and other boring horrors

 

A whole year free of the horrors of endometriosis?! What an amazing year it was! Like winning the lotto! 
I was able to hold down a job and get stuff done. Enjoy normal day to day activities like living and holding down my food. Just being able to exist without feeling like I was being bludgeoned to death with a cruel instrument.... It was sheer delight. I lived it up. I moved my body, worked hard, skateboarded, went kayaking, hiking and loved hard. Every beautiful shiny day pain free was shimmering  baby unicorn magic stuff! 
But it all came crashing down as the grim harbinger of death pain came back from wherever it was vacationing. Knock knock knock upon my uterus, ovaries, digestive tract.
Go away.
Knock, knock, stab. Stab, stab, stab...
After suffering about 2 decades with this thing I realized what I was in for. Days of excruciating pain where the very nerve endings in your internal organs feel like they are being put through their own personal murder. Murder by stabbing is the best analogy. It's not painful cramps or any such triteness. MURDER BY STABBING several times a day and night for days and days. In case that's not torturous enough the pain levels are touched by NOTHING. There is no substance legal or illegal that touches this pain when it ramps up.
I've been on a morphine drip at the hospital and NOPE - didn't touch it. 
Living in hot baths, staying within 100 feet of your bed, puke bucket and heating pad are all you can do. When it gets terrible I vomit continuously for days until I'm so in jeopardy of becoming dehydrated I get admitted to the ER for IVs and no answers as to why or how to stop it. 
I have vivid memories of being discharged from the ER and still puking down the hallway as I left, the doctors turning away in helplessness. 
In the brief moments between pain you can either try to rest (recommended) or do some semblance of real living so your life doesn't fall apart ( I e. Try to work to earn money for rent, wash dishes, clean the house so you aren't living in horror while you're being murdered) and you learn to apologize... Sorry I can't come to work, sorry I can't do that thing, sorry I cannot attend.... Because I am dying. 
Sitting here eating oatmeal  I hope stays in my stomach I write this to document.... The demon is back. I jumped back on some expired birth control yesterday because I couldn't take it anymore. I started back on magic Mexican yam cream to increase progesterone in my body. Sounds crazy cause it is, everything to do with endometriosis is just medieval and crazy. 
Luckily I've got my humor intact and so far everyone has been understanding. Even my part time job that I clocked into for ONE WHOLE HOUR before I pretty much had to run out the door before the tears came.
And that's where I am. Eating expired birth control pills, without health insurance or my usual low income health plan- winging  it on a hope and a prayer that the monster leaves me alone today. 
6 days of murder was quite enough!


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