Skip to main content

Tortured tales and other boring horrors

 

A whole year free of the horrors of endometriosis?! What an amazing year it was! Like winning the lotto! 
I was able to hold down a job and get stuff done. Enjoy normal day to day activities like living and holding down my food. Just being able to exist without feeling like I was being bludgeoned to death with a cruel instrument.... It was sheer delight. I lived it up. I moved my body, worked hard, skateboarded, went kayaking, hiking and loved hard. Every beautiful shiny day pain free was shimmering  baby unicorn magic stuff! 
But it all came crashing down as the grim harbinger of death pain came back from wherever it was vacationing. Knock knock knock upon my uterus, ovaries, digestive tract.
Go away.
Knock, knock, stab. Stab, stab, stab...
After suffering about 2 decades with this thing I realized what I was in for. Days of excruciating pain where the very nerve endings in your internal organs feel like they are being put through their own personal murder. Murder by stabbing is the best analogy. It's not painful cramps or any such triteness. MURDER BY STABBING several times a day and night for days and days. In case that's not torturous enough the pain levels are touched by NOTHING. There is no substance legal or illegal that touches this pain when it ramps up.
I've been on a morphine drip at the hospital and NOPE - didn't touch it. 
Living in hot baths, staying within 100 feet of your bed, puke bucket and heating pad are all you can do. When it gets terrible I vomit continuously for days until I'm so in jeopardy of becoming dehydrated I get admitted to the ER for IVs and no answers as to why or how to stop it. 
I have vivid memories of being discharged from the ER and still puking down the hallway as I left, the doctors turning away in helplessness. 
In the brief moments between pain you can either try to rest (recommended) or do some semblance of real living so your life doesn't fall apart ( I e. Try to work to earn money for rent, wash dishes, clean the house so you aren't living in horror while you're being murdered) and you learn to apologize... Sorry I can't come to work, sorry I can't do that thing, sorry I cannot attend.... Because I am dying. 
Sitting here eating oatmeal  I hope stays in my stomach I write this to document.... The demon is back. I jumped back on some expired birth control yesterday because I couldn't take it anymore. I started back on magic Mexican yam cream to increase progesterone in my body. Sounds crazy cause it is, everything to do with endometriosis is just medieval and crazy. 
Luckily I've got my humor intact and so far everyone has been understanding. Even my part time job that I clocked into for ONE WHOLE HOUR before I pretty much had to run out the door before the tears came.
And that's where I am. Eating expired birth control pills, without health insurance or my usual low income health plan- winging  it on a hope and a prayer that the monster leaves me alone today. 
6 days of murder was quite enough!


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

It's the little things...

I will eventually get back to posting about art 😂 but I lost my first pound with just 3 days of dedicating myself to Metabolic Renewal...and this is me playing fast and loose because A. I did not buy their shakes I'm doing my own. So I don't really know their caloric/nutrition value vs mine. B. Getting 10,000 steps a day on my pedometer.... doesn't happen. That's almost two hours of walking a day. I get 8,000 or 9,000 before the Texas heat or work calls it off. C. Haven't followed any of the meal recipes. I've been winging it with good sense. I will get closer to their instructions in time ( like maybe next week) since I paid for it. My body is SORE AF. It's totally getting put through the paces and I'm lucky there are modifications for pudgy newbies like me. But 1st lb down is a good feeling because seeing the scale move down is what I'm after. I'm pretty proud of myself for yesterday in general..did my workout, a walking session THEN WENT ...

The New Way

Had a wonderful time at the Artists Showcase and Home Tour on Thursday. It was a great reminder of the new "Im worth it" path I've taken. I really feel like the artists were well taken care of and promoted and enjoyed the event very much. Here was my little curated space: All the artists got their own little spaces to create and show in this AMAZING house. I had lots of great windows and light in my space. Even though my endometriosis pains were popping in intermittently- I stood and smiled and chatted with visitors and fellow artists. These three were my largest pieces there and looked great on the spacious walls.   These look great together- I hope whoever eventually buys them is able to get both of them. Its a fun horizontal/vertical juxtaposition. The food was IMPECCABLE...the cake makers made these elegant cakeballs in various flavors and used each of the artists works to decorate the tops. I have arrived! My art is edible! Ther...

One thing leads to another

Sometimes it just takes one little action to get things rolling in the right direction. For me the action was ordering a giant roll of bubble wrap I didn't even have space for and when it arrived I had to figure out where it would live because my cats were already trying to hug it with their teeth and sharp little claws.  Also, why bubble wrap? What for?  I'm a big believer in taking some sort of action, big or small to make yourself move in a certain direction. I also believe in productive manifesting and the bubble wrap symbolized shipping. Shipping art out. Shipping lots of art out. Shipping out so much art I was justified in living with a big roll of bubble wrap for awhile!  So step one: order the bubble wrap and step two was the fun task of... Making a place for it to live. So manifesting was already happening and I decided I needed a designated area for shipping supplies and hell.. My printer needed a proper home too. I had a very messy shelf with an old printer on ...