Skip to main content

The Shift

Im not sure what the pivotal moment was that I made "the shift", but it happened. It was a long time coming and long overdue. I began realizing the way I "talked to myself"...not in the crazy person sense (actually talking to yourself is pretty normal 😂) ...but in the way I downgraded my abilities and worth. Always to please others and stay in good graces even though it hurt me financially and emotionally. I would say "yes" to the cheapest price, "yes" to the work even though it really didn't serve me but would stress me out and overwhelm me. When my inner voice protested I told it to shut up- that at all costs we must bend over backwards for everyone.
I soon found myself in a joyless cycle of work that barely paid, handing over paintings I barely laid eyes on and sliding the money directly over to my landlord without even seeing it or enjoying it. Autopilot. Nothing nice for me. Out of soap and shampoo? Oh well. Luxury items. Glad to pay the rent, no doubt- but joyless and knowing I shortchanged myself.
Doing work that disappeared without compensation. Realizing that if I wanted this to change I had to change.
I had to change the way I talked to myself. The way I thought of myself. Was I a freelance artist or the world's whipping girl? Was I the boss or was I giving that title to someone else? Was I cheap labor or was I the "get it done beautifully" talent I strived to be and should be paid as such.
Why are we so mean to ourselves?
A whole lifetimes conditioning of being a drone bee is hard to shake.
But Im happy to report the shift DID happen. I put on my nametag stating HELLO MY NAME IS: THE BOSS. If things aren't worthy of my time I have a big NO to kindly throw in its direction. Im giving myself the kindness I put out into the Universe daily.
Now my work doesn't seem like work- its a pleasure to create and be well compensated for by people who value me as an artist and person- not cheap labor. I won't please everyone and that's OK. I will attract and work with the "good ones", they are out there. I have met them. I have worked for them.
I have shifted into my new form as all good caterpillars must. I didn't do it alone, I have many awesome people to thank.
I hope everyone finds "the shift" and starts having kinder dialogues with themselves. "You are worth more. Don't sell yourself short." I heard this for years and nodded along with it but never internalized it and put it to practice. Now let's see what these wings can do...lets buy shampoo and soap and live a little. ☺ 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So what's the Scenario?

Street Artist 'My Dog Sighs' Paints Faces on Cans Found Littered on the Street I found this interesting art on Pinterest and thought it would be a good example for a proposed scenario.....indulge me if you will.... The scenario is this....this street artist paints on cans. Pretty cool right? Pretty neat! He's probably not the only one who paints on cans in the world but he most likely is the only one in his little neck of the woods and art circle. Ok, let's pretend I invite this CAN painter to be in this big group show we do annually at my gallery. (This is pretend land, I dont have a gallery but roll with me...)  Ok, he is a hit, everyone thinks his can faces are awesome and he's considered pretty unique for doing this medium in our little art circle. Ok fast forward into the future....it's a year later and it's time for our big annual show...here's the scenario....we don't invite the CAN artist to come show again BUT we do hand out a can ...
6 comments
Read more

The Age of Upgrade

BIG BATCH OF HAND PAINTED WAX FOR SAN FRANCISCO I wanted to do a  blog about the upgrade I'm doing and why. Because I am an artist and not a business person I have been lax on so many things I shouldn't have been and caused myself a lot of headaches. This was a year of growing pains for my business and days before my birthday I decided my new age of 39 would be one of grand changes. For starters...I'm typing this on an old Android phone. It's the only equipment I have. My old Mac finally gave up the ghost and I can no longer do any graphic designing in Photoshop or even save files. This will need to be upgraded, I need a computer. Let's talk about vinyl though...I started doing the vinyl about 6 years ago and they were pretty basic novice attempts at painting on vinyl. After many experiments, failures and tons of practice... I have brought them into their own. They started as $30 discs and climbed as I got better. I marked everything DOWN to $50 this year...
4 comments
Read more

Digital Vacation

  Have you looked around and discovered you have filled your life with bad habits? If you said NO- good for you, you might not be human! 😁  I was experiencing a major BLAH and it was all because of ME. What I spent time on, consumed, did and did not do. I also felt like the willpower I used to have in abundance was gone and I wondered if I would ever get it back.  First and foremost I had to look at my main bad habits. What was the very first thing I did every day. EVERY DAY! I reached for my phone, I social media blitzed my brain over two long cups of coffee every morning. I made sure to look at my MEMORIES like it was my job every day. Ruminating on the past and seeing everyone's angry opinions and celebrity/political posts and regurgitated memes ad nauseum....is actually not a very optimistic and healthy way for me to cruise into the day. Not only is this not good for my spirit it wasted almost two hours of every morning. 💀 That's precious time!  I'm weaning mys...
Post a Comment
Read more