Werewolf 101

My "On This Day" from 2015

I'm not sure why it's my morning ritual to have coffee while reading my ON THIS DAY posts on Facebook. It's usually good for a chuckle, a reminisce, a head shake and some eye rolls. Sometimes its a good reminder of my struggle-such as this one. 

Endometriosis.

(Early pieces using "organ-like shapes, veins and blobby growths to convey this mysterious pain I was living with)

I'm an artist with endometriosis and it still hasn't been "diagnosed" on paper thru laparoscopy. But this is common for women with endo. You are treated as though you probably have it and if the treatment seems helpful then by process of elimination that is what you have. But...not on paper.

I could go into a very long boring story of my pain but really- I wrote all those blogs and notes already. Before anyone even knew what endo was, I was thick in its nightmare. Thinking it was everything from fibroids, cysts, tumors, PCOS to some werewolvian curse set upon me by the "bad guys". 

(Painted this in the grip of stabbing pain and nausea- my victory over not  letting this thing claim my art)

It's ENDOMETRIOSIS AWARENESS month. There's been some hashtag campaign to SHARE YOUR SCARS and Im feeling for everyone who has this in their body and who had to be cut open to remove it...only to have it grow back again. Because there is NO CURE...just little fixes to get you through life until your body explodes again.

There are many of us who do not have scars on the outside to share. Do not discount us. Either our poverty, lack of healthcare or worries have prevented us from the knife. We have NO idea the extent of damage inside us, how much scarring has taken place or what all the "web" has taken over to slowly bind and strangle. My fate of treatment was a chemo drug called Lupron...which did actually help to make my ovaries go to sleep long enough to give me some semblance of normal for some time. But I never recommend this route to any off my endo sisters. I can't. It is so hard on the body and I 50/50 regret and accept the side effects to this day. Throw your 30 something year old body into what it feels like to be an arthritic pain riddled 90 year olds body and see if you have shining things to say about that drug. Luckily a lot of THAT shit has subsided. I'm typing this from my bathtub this morning though...

my safe hot water cocoon. 

Why? Because Im having what I call a "flare". Which is a cute word for "Endometriosis flare up".  This means I baby my body all weekend, nap when I need to, take 5 hot baths in a day if I need to, stay away from stress and use Natures little helper like a thug. 

(The pain makes you appreciate your GOOD DAYS- on those days you tackle life like a TIGER. Fierce! Get it while you're up and not puking)

Interesting my on this day is as cyclical as the moon. 2015 has turned into 2019 and I'm talking about the same monster as usual. Its made for some good art though and it is MY STORY and STRUGGLE which would be pretty boring if life wasn't always trying to torture and kill me, I suppose. 

(Pretty much painting my imaginary innards full of sharp beautiful pain inflictors)

Now so many people have endometriosis and it used to be called "rare". MY ASS. And if you must know- I wholeheartedly believe its caused by all the poisons in our environment, food, water and medications and birth control.

 Eh I should write a book.

To wrap this up- not all of us have scars and a lot of us still can't "name" our assailant yet. What works for one-doesn't work for all. Be kind to yourselves and treat yourself how you need to be treated. 

See you on the other side of the full moon my fellow werewolves. 🌙

🐺